March 28, 2012

Three Lies I Had To Quit Telling Myself

Photo Courtesy of Bad Girl Bloggers
A little over a year ago I wrote a post titled "The Fine Line Between Self-Care and Sloth". I noticed that bodies in motion stay in motion, bodies at rest will stay at rest without a good kick of motivation. It's not difficult for us to take the necessary rest and self-care time and let it unfold into habitual slack. I've been thinking about that fine line lately and realized there are a few lines that are easy to cross. They allow us to convince ourselves we're doing something smart but really...we could be hurting ourselves (and our reputations). 

"You know Sally better than I do, can you help me figure out how to approach her?" 
I bet you know this situation, it's the co-worker, boss, friend that you have tension with. She's really upset you somehow, you feel like no matter what you do she isn't going to like you. Maybe she has reason to dislike you, maybe not. You've tried to make the situation better and talk with her (or not) and the situation hasn't gotten better. So then you reach seek out help from your friend Jane. 

This is an admirable step but where you take the next step makes a huge difference. I am so guilty of this one I cringe just thinking about it...the "advice session" turns into a rant and maybe just maybe it turns into gossip. Then some how every time you see your dear friend Jane you both end up talking about Sally. It's a vicious cycle. I'm not proud that it's been a part of my character but I am over that lie. The "I'm just getting a little guidance" lie. I've made a pact with myself (and a few good friends) more of the gossip disguised as guidance. That is over my friends. 

"It's important for my boss to know..."
When I first began in the corporate world, I think I may have confused it with day care, I was a tattle tale, seriously. I thought it was important that my boss know who was coming and going when, who was on social calls all the time, who was doing their job right. How naive was I?

When it came to my performance reviews I found out quickly I was only being graded on one well I did my own job. In the yoga world it's easy to fall in those patterns of worrying when other teachers come and go, if they sign their classes in right, all the little details but you have to keep your head in your own game. If you live in a glass house, don't throw stones and that goes double when we don't bring our A game and criticize others. I let go of that "I'm helping things run better" lie. 

"It's more important for me to take care of myself right now."
Remember that self-care I mentioned earlier...I used to cancel plans and take mental health days under the guise of taking care of myself. All because of poor planning. I either stayed out too late the night before or put too much on my plate. I really believed the "I'm not hurting anyone" lie. 

I was hurting anyone who had to cover for me at work by adding stress to their day. I was hurting my friends by canceling on them and being unreliable. I was also hurting me. I was gaining a reputation as a flake and someone who can not be counted on. Some people are okay with that and in some industries flakes are the standard. When did we decide that was okay? I say no to flaky, no to irresponsible and yes to "Tali's a girl you can count on!" 

I can't say I always succeed at telling myself the truth. However, I am really trying to not let these three lies dictate my life, how I see my self, and how my relationships with others take place. Are you telling yourself lies? Have you made overcome any lies that were hurting you?


Meredith LeBlanc said...

"I can handle everything, I don't need help."

There's beauty in vulnerability and allowing help to come into your life.

Meredith & Scarlet

Emma said...

Beautiful post Tali, and so true. I am guilty of the cancelling plans because I need to take care of myself thing, only because I put too much on my plate in the first place. I need to be more careful with my yes. Thank you!

Nielle McCammon said...

Where do I start? I have been the biggest flake and most unreliable person for the last year. I lost my job, damaged friendships and family relationships... but I feel that sometimes we need to be alone to hear that inner voice. But it's a balance - we also need to reach out and I wasn't doing that. Trying to find a balance is certainly a challenge. Great post xoxoxo

Nielle McCammon said...

Of course, my instability came in big part from struggling with bi-polar disorder, suicides in the family and addictive behavior. Trying to "right" yourself under these circumstances is immensely challenging. But, who doesn't have challenges?

Tali said...

Thank you all for the great comments. It's nice to know we're not alone in the lies we tell ourselves.

You are all awesome.