March 15, 2009
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
How I Learned To Change My Goals and Expectations for Climbing.
This week brought the end of a friendship and partnership, my climbing partner to be specific. Now I won't let this post turn into a venting session however I have to give a few of the details. My climbing partner was a dear friend but she was also my polar opposite. She is very much a go with the flow type of person. While this can be a good quality it also translated into constantly being late for our climbing sessions and lately a lack of focus while belaying me. Luckily we climbed indoors and the risk factors were minimal however gearing up to get outdoors for the season, well I didn't have the trust to bring her with me. These climbing issues coupled with some of her behavior in the non-climbing world really showed me a new side of her. A side I didn't want in a partner or a friend.
So this parting of ways forced me to ask what went wrong? After talking to friends and reading a few articles online I realized that our goals and expectations weren't the same. I expected my partner to show up on time, focus while we were climbing, and to establish a consistent schedule so we could both improve and push ourselves further. My goals are to get outside more (at least once a week) this season and to gain more competence in sport climbing this year. While these expectations and goals may seem pretty simple they're not for everyone, my climbing partner said she agreed with the goals but her actions showed otherwise.
So just like dating and breaking up, now that the relationship has ended I am not ready to hop back into something serious. I have decided to adjust my goals and expectations for the season. Rather than focus on goals that are based on having a single partner, my new goal for 2009 is to broaden my climbing community. I have been in a climbing rut and limiting myself with my climbing partner monogamy. I am ready for climbing partner polyamory. My new expectations...simple, just sit back and enjoy the ride.
I surveyed my Tweeps (friends on Twitter) and many said they go to the climbing gyms to find partners. That's what I will start doing. Even though I am not an extroverted type who's comfortable asking strangers if they want a belay, I am going to work past that insecurity.
I also have a number of other friends who climb that I haven't yet climbed with and I am excited to have more time to branch out and climb with new people. In addition, I will use the virtual world including ClimbFind.com, Yourclimbing.com, Meetup.com, and Twitter to meet new climbers for conversation and climbing. I hope to learn from others this year and hope I can bring something to their lives too.
Overall it's been a bittersweet week. Anytime a relationship ends there can be sadness but I am very excited to shed the old goals and expectations and dive into a new world of opportunity.
Labels: Climbing Twitter